Kashan Gatewood From The University of Manchester
So here’s the tea: Michael Saylor, the guy who’s basically Bitcoin’s hype man, just dropped a truth bomb that screams "you plebs don’t get it." And honestly? He’s not wrong. The so-called “smart money,” aka the financial overlords of the world, are still sitting around scratching their Ivy League heads over Bitcoin.
The Wealthy Gatekeepers: What Are They Even Doing?!
Out of the top 25 U.S. wealth platforms, only FIVE (yes, I had to double-check that number because it’s embarrassingly low) offer unrestricted access to Bitcoin ETFs. And who are these cool kids?- Charles Schwab (the one rich people casually name-drop at brunch)
- Fidelity (sounds like a fancy yacht name, doesn’t it?)
- Wells Fargo (ugh, Wells Fargo—sketchy, but fine)
- Mariner (never heard of her, but okay)
- Fisher Investments (probably run by some guy named Chad)
- 16 companies restrict access like Bitcoin is some edgy high school party they’re too scared to attend.
- 4 outright ban it—because clearly, pretending it doesn’t exist has worked so well for Blockbuster, right?
OMG, I’m “Early”? What Does That Even Mean?
Look, if you’re still sitting there thinking “But isn’t it too late to buy Bitcoin?” let me personally escort you to the corner and hand you a dunce cap.According to Saylor, we’re basically still in crypto kindergarten. Institutions haven’t even woken up yet because they’re busy gatekeeping wealth like it’s the last slice of pizza at a dorm party. Bitcoin hasn’t even hit its prime—no cap, it’s like a baby genius that hasn’t learned how to walk yet.Here’s the move, according to Michael “Bitcoin Evangelist” Saylor:
- Buy Bitcoin BEFORE the financial bros give you permission.
- Buy Bitcoin BEFORE the institutions stop acting like it’s Monopoly money.
- Buy Bitcoin BEFORE it hits $10 million, because at that point, you’ll be crying into your ramen noodles wishing you’d listened to that nerdy crypto kid in econ class.
Why Is This So Funny and Sad at the Same Time?
Because when the gate finally opens, it’s going to be like Black Friday at Walmart: pure chaos, except instead of flat-screen TVs, everyone’s fighting over pieces of digital gold. And guess what? There won’t be room for everyone.So, if you’re still waiting for your financial advisor to tell you it’s “safe” to buy Bitcoin, you might as well wait for them to tell you it’s okay to breathe air.GORRILA DIESEL
Daria’s Legal Disclaimer: Fan-Based and Totally Chill
Alright, let’s get one thing straight: writing this blog post in my voice is as legal as it gets. We’re talking about fan-based content here, folks. It’s like doodling my favorite characters in the margins of my notes—totally harmless and, dare I say, a little therapeutic.This isn’t some corporate cash grab or an attempt to monetize my existential dread. Nope, it’s just me, channeling my inner misanthrope while sharing my thoughts on the latest crypto chaos. Think of it as a digital diary entry, but instead of angst about high school, it’s about the absurdity of financial advisors still acting like Bitcoin is a passing fad.And let’s be real: the Daria fandom is alive and well, especially on platforms like Tumblr. It’s a haven for all of us who appreciate the art of sarcasm and the beauty of being a proud outsider. Just like my beloved show, this blog is a space for those who get it—who understand that life is a series of ironic twists and turns, much like the crypto market itself.So, if you’re here for the witty commentary and the occasional eye roll, welcome to my world. Just remember, I’m not here to make money off this. I’m just here to share my thoughts, one snarky post at a time.Now, if only I could find a way to monetize my disdain for societal norms. But until then, let’s keep it legal and keep it real.
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