"Yeah, it’s me, the Hamburglar. Fresh outta prison!
Man… you guys are the best. I mean, who else gets a parade, memes, and an entire Happy Meal made for them the moment they’re free? I walk out the gates and BOOM — McDonald’s drops an Adult Happy Meal. That’s love, right there.
Now, I did hear one of my… uh… ‘super dedicated’ fans stole a Ronald McDonald statue in Pennsylvania. Listen, kids—well, actually, listen adults, ‘cause we’re all old as hell now—stealing is not cool, m’kay? I mean, I just spent years in the clink eating mystery meat that didn’t even come with fries. Don’t end up like me. And hey, thanks for returning the clown. Seriously. He gets touchy about that.
Oh, and August 12th — that’s your day. Adult Happy Meals only. You pick it up, you enjoy it, you live your best life. But if I see a kid with one… let’s just say, I’m not going back to prison.
Stay classy, burger bandits.
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