The Latest News: Trump Plans to reopen Alcatraz 📰

 

Alright, buckle up, folks because this blog post is about to take you on a hilariously weird ride. Picture this: Spanky and Darla from Little Rascals grew up, got into Harvard (obviously, because what else would we do?), and now we’re here in 2025 to break down the latest Trump shenanigans with a touch of Boytonian humor, a sprinkle of Harvard wit, and a dollop of “what on Earth?” vibes. Let’s get into it!

First of all, let’s talk about Donald Trump’s new idea to reopen Alcatraz prison. Um, excuse me, what? Are we bringing back the 1930s gangster vibes or is this a new Netflix plot twist? I mean, Alcatraz hasn’t seen this much action since Sean Connery and Nicolas Cage exploded their way through it in The Rock. And now, Trump’s like, “Let’s dust it off, give it a fresh coat of paint, and bada-bing, bada-boom, we’re back in business!”

But here’s the thing I’m from Boynton (shout out to the 561, baby!), and down in Palm Beach County, we like to keep things chill. No vandalizing Trump’s Mar-a-Lago house, no violent protests. We’re all about peace, love, and making money. Seriously, money is like sunshine here: abundant and absolutely necessary to thrive. But when Trump starts throwing curveballs like this, it’s hard not to hide in the metaphorical bushes (oh hey, George Bush, how ya doin’?).

Side note can we just take a moment to appreciate how former President George W. Bush has a house near me in Boynton? That man taught me how to make money in the 5th grade. I don’t know if it was his Texas charm or his solid PowerPoint skills, but I left that classroom with a newfound respect for oil, stocks, and the phrase “work smarter, not harder.” GO STARS! Yes, I’m randomly yelling this because who doesn’t love a good sports metaphor? Team unity, team hustle, team Harvard!

Now, let’s pivot to Trump’s other chef’s kiss announcement: slapping a 100% tariff on non-US movies. Excuse me, sir?! What’s next, banning subtitles? Look, I get it America is all about Hollywood, popcorn, and Marvel movies every three months, but do you know how many Harvard-educated cinephiles would riot if they couldn’t watch a French indie film about existential dread?! (Spoiler alert: a lot.)

As a proud Boytonian, I can confirm we take movies VERY seriously as seriously as we take the news. Because, as my mom always said, “Smart kids read the news, and rich kids make it.” And here’s Trump, making headlines like he’s in a reality TV show that never ends. Honestly, sometimes I feel like I’m in the Hunger Games but with more golf courses and fewer archery lessons.

At the end of the day, whether it’s Trump reopening Alcatraz, George Bush waving at us from his front yard, or foreign films being taxed to infinity and beyond, Boynton’s still Boynton. We’re neutral, we’re peaceful, and we’re all about love. Sure, I might stay in the bushes when it comes to political drama (because let’s be real it’s safer there), but I’m still here, cheering for smarter policies and a world where we can all laugh at the absurdity of it all.

So, here’s to Trump, Alcatraz, and whatever wild thing happens next. Stay bubbly, stay hilarious, and remember life’s too short to watch bad movies, even if they’re tariff-free.GO STARS!