Wait, ABBA Rocks? Bands You Didn't Know Were (Technically) Rock 🪩

 

Heather Chandler said it best: “Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw.” Do I look like Mother Teresa to you? Please. Strap in, because we’re about to skate down memory lane—back to the Palace, the raddest skating rink ever, now tragically replaced by a graveyard of throw pillows and “modern” furniture. If I’d known Fridays were basically geriatric hour, I would’ve face-planted on purpose.

Let’s talk about my “exaggeration.” ABBA—yeah, that ABBA—is considered rock. Rock?! The pop-disco rollerskating soundtrack of our parents' awkward high school dances? “Dancing Queen” is now in the same conversation as Hendrix, apparently. Just ask Creem, America’s one and only rock magazine (because Rolling Stone was busy writing about Taylor Swift’s cat, I guess). Turns out, the real joke’s on us—we’re all a little clueless about what counts as “rock.”

See, rock isn’t just a genre. It’s a wild, overgrown family tree with more branches than a Red Hot Chili Peppers jam session. Not every rock song has a solo that shreds your face off. In fact, The Police—yeah, those “Roxanne” fellas—are technically “new wave rock.” No Doubt? Same story, but with a reggae twist. Don’t worry, I’ll ramble back to that post another time.

Now, here’s the beauty of rock: it’s weird, it’s wild, and it never fits neatly into a box (unless that box is on fire and someone’s playing air guitar on top of it). Oh Yea, Earth wind and fire has strong rock influences too. Yeah, I know. Whether you’re a metalhead, a solo freak, or just a lover of rock’s endless chaos, one thing unites us all: the pure, unfiltered laughter that erupts when you find out ABBA—yes, ABBA—is rock & roll. That’s the real Jimi Experience, folks—discovering new branches on the tree and realizing you still don’t know what the hell is going on.

And hey, if that inspires you to write a solo that sings, or makes you want to bang your head against the wall in disbelief (gently, please), just know you’re not alone. ABBA’s actually pretty cool, and I like a few of their tracks. Who knew? Thanks, Creem, for schooling us all and proving that in rock, the only rule is expect the unexpected. I guess Mr. Bangs was right—we don't know rock & roll after all.